Rejection

Who likes getting rejected there may be no worse feeling than being rejected, whether from a job, a relationship or from a team. There is one thing that feels even worse than you being rejected, its when your child gets rejected even worse two children. When we got pregnant with our last kid we got a surprise, TWINS! So that meant we were going from 2 kids to 4 instead of three. I have heard going from 2 to 3 is hard but I wouldn't know we went from 2 to 4.

We recently applied them to go to the private school where my older boys go to school. It's a stressful process, it feels like for pre-k you used to just sign up and they would have your kid come in to see how well they interact with other kids and as long as they aren't biting everyone they got it in. Now we test them at 3 to see if they are somehow capable of going to "school". I always thought anything before Kindergarten was just a glorified day care.

The twins both got unequivocally rejected. This was so hard to hear because not only do we have children at the school, I graduated from there and was always proud to be able to say that I am an alumni. My understanding was that they at least gave us some preference. So this rejection felt especially strong, not only did it feel as though they didn't want my kids they didn't want my whole family. I realize that i am not the smartest, richest or most successful but I want to raise boys who make a difference in this world and I'm not saying they have to be the next president but who look at people with compassion, want to help and make the world a better place by the fact that they are in it. Lastly it hurt because they set my twins up for failure and then blamed them when they did fail.

If you don't have twins and have never really been around twins especially young ones then it will be hard to understand this but I will do my best to explain. At the time of these tests they were 3 and then turned 4. Up until this point the amount of time they have spent apart from birth until now is minimal I mean if they spent a few hours apart in a month that would be rare. They were in the womb together almost 9 months then they slept in the same crib for almost their first 6 month of life until they started moving around, so they have spent a lot of time together. There are medical studies that show that twins are just calmer together even if they aren't playing together just being in proximity calms their nervous system. So in the last year in one of their schools, they to 2 different pre k's at the moment, It's complicated,, and at one of them we separated the twins into different classes. We knew that this would happen at some point so we decided that we would slowly start that process fully knowing that it would be rocky for a while because again just being around each other is calming and also the classes did a lot together during the day so they would see each other. It has been an adjustment but the they are doing better with it every time.

When the school called and told us they were not going to admit them we naturally asked why. They said well on top of their test scores being low when they went for observation one of them kind of went to play by himself and then one of my twins did his tough guy routine where he just refused to do anything they asked of him. When they took the twin they separated them into different groups, so if I know my boys and I think I do they saw this as just like school and it triggered their stress responses, they saw this as just another day at school. Now when I pick them up at the end of the day the teachers tell me they did great they warmed up and played with friends participated with crafts and were great helpers. They get better after a minute but they just have this different dynamic that you have to remember is there and can't be ignored because it was the way they were born. So when you separate them and then tell them to preform and they don't immediately do that you condemn them for it. That's what hurts.

When as a society did we start testing kids who are 3 for their performance to go to Pre K. I thought the test used to be sit the kid down and put a crayon in front of them, if they eat it then they aren't ready for Pre K. No wonder we are a society of anxiety riddled people. We are all stressed about performance about looking good and never feeling like we are good enough for some standard that keeps changing. A bar that keeps getting higher. No wonder I'm a tired dad.