"Mother, Mother Ocean"

The late great Jimmy Buffett had a song called a Pirates look at Forty. The opening words are "Mother, Mother Ocean" He talks about how getting to 40 the identity crisis that comes to men when we turn 40. It's a crisis of identity, some men use it as a time to see if they are still attractive. They go out and get a red sports car and try to see if they look cool or if somehow that car adds a couple points to their score (u know 1 to 10). This is usually a shallow way to do this, a selfish way of going through the process of aging. Some men start to workout like crazy and get in really good shape this seems to be at least a productive way to go through process. Some like myself are going through the question of career or priorities in life. I obviously don't have the things I want or the things that I think will make me happy in life. However that has offered me the ability to search out what I do want and what I want to be important in my life as my kids start to age. I used to think that all the things of this world would make me happy. I'm thanking God that he has reframed my view as I move to this next chapter in life.

I have learned that I like writing and that I do have a knack for just having the ideas and thoughts come out of me. Is it any good? I guess that's up to me to put it into the world and see if anyone likes what I have to say. That is a place that I struggle to feel like i can't put myself out there and have it well received. The converse to that thought is that if I want to achieve the life that I want for myself I have to gather up my courage and go for it. Jimmy wasn't afraid to put himself out there and he didn't care if it went anywhere. Honestly I think he was probably ok just playing in small venues forever as long as he was doing what he loved.

Trying to figure out a mid life crisis with 4 kids in tow is a challenge. The boys are asking for more time with Dad and they all want as much as they can get. The other day they were playing catch and all of them threw the balls at the same time, I didn't catch any of them but it was good analogy for life at the moment. I'm trying to soak it up and enjoy it, it's hard to do all of that while trying to figure out all while I'm one tired Dad.